Dropping the Kids off at School :(

Wasatch Art Festival picture, (description below)

Sometimes the absolutely worse thing in the world is leaving the kids at school. Driving away, hearing them say, "love you mom", "have a happy day", carrying their lunch boxes, with a note of love and confidence. I always hope people will be nice today. Will they come home with delightful experiences, or are they going to encounter something else?

Gavin in Junior High, being indoctrinated by teachers with opinions. Opinions different than mine. Having conversations that have to do with our world; Immigration, global warming, the next presidential election, wanting to know what things mean when I am still trying to figure those things out. What am I thinking?

Why not spend the entire day with my children running barefoot through the grass, rolling down hills, swinging in tree swings, knowing that you will reach the sky if you just pump a little harder. I can play four square, kick-ball, jumprope. I can teach them times tables, and how to write an essay. I just miss them, and wish they missed me a little more. But they are independant and going to grow up no matter what I do.

When they were little and learning to walk, I would trip them up, "gently" push them back down, crawl a little longer; I would beg. Cuddle more with me, come into our room at night, oh, how I miss having four of them all trying to find a place to snuggle at night. Making beds on the floor of my room. I guess they needed that because I was pushing them out into the world of school and sports. I suppose that is why they needed more at night, because they were learning and growing, and they wanted to have all the time in the world with me too. I miss that. It does go away, and I don't like it. They loose their youth, they grow into these wonderful people that are so like yourself, and yet so like their own person. I have planted them as seeds, now I need the courage to let them grow.

I guess that is why I am trying to redefine me. Who I am? What kind of a world do I see myself offering these little people as they grow up. I tell them, "stop growing up", and Jeremy replies, "Mom, you can grow up with us." Thanks Jeremy, if I can be with them for now, I guess I won't worry about tomorrow. And maybe I can work out an appreciation for the time that I have to define me, while they are out there, exposed to our wonderful world, at wonderful Wasatch Elementary, and Clayton Jr. High; well at least it is an interesting experience.

There is something to what they gain, that I can't give them.

It's just the courage it takes to let go of them; remembering what was written by a third grade girl, at Wasatch, to go with her art piece. It has stayed with me ever since.

This is what our kids are doing while they are away growing up. They are learning to be stars, sensitive, thoughtful, aware, respectful, students. They are little seedlings, sprouting.

They are learning to have the courage to be their best person.

So, yes, Sam, Jeremy, Clarissa, Gavin: Have a happy day!

Me too.