iM a moRMon, yES, i AM, if YoU waNT to StUdy a MorMoN, Im a LiVINg speciMen
it's about time
LDS Humanitarian Services Current Needs
When You're Finished Changing, You're Finished.
...a crazy day and a half on an airplane coming home from Japan. Silly boy.
'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
i have been for so long. i have known it, i just haven't really admitted to it. perspective is an interesting position.
i have healthy able kids. happy and capable. endearing...
i have a husband who sees not my flaws, but my potential; forgiving, protective and providing. he forgets each infraction and accepts my limitations. even my limitations that are self inflicted.
tonight i found myself holding on so tight to him that it felt as though i was inhibiting his sleep. i listened to every breath he took. i felt his body reacting to life. i felt ALIVE next to him. suddenly i was wide awake and praying, with each breath he took i was counting my every blessing.
i have so many blessings. and while counting them I found myself counting him twice, and three times; a million times counting my blessings of a sweet, tender, kind, and truly Christ-like man. his forgiving, his hard work, his ethics, his moral compass, his priesthood. every thing specific to the creation of a person so perfectly perfect for me...his kiss... and i realized that i am spoiled....in all the ways that make for a really happy and content moment.
holding on tight to him is such a blessing.
i decided to let him sleep....more peacefully than when I am literally trying to curl myself up into his soul. wanting to be so close that you can not see the end of me for the beginning of him....
and so I write. That is what I do.
i write because right now, this moment in my life....i am changing. what i will be tomorrow will be renewed. something melted and broken and created into a person with more strength, more awareness, and willing to use the abilities that i have been granted to do MORE than what i have been doing.
i have been hiding, like Jonah of Nineveh... hiding under the Gourd. something for which i have not worked for, something beautiful....and yet in a day it is gone. shall I be angry....no, lest i be smitten.
i will go and do [1 Nephi 3:7]
and so it will be. i realize the potential that Brian sees in me, I realize what I have been called to do and the work ahead; in my family, in my calling in our church Relief Society, in my own personal life ---and growth in me--- is WORK TO DO.
as i held on tight to Brian my future was flashing before my eyes. it will take faith in the Lord to move the mountains in front of me.
I have shovel in hand....for He is willing and will move mountains for me, but He has handed me the shovel and the game is on...there is work to do, and i must go and do.
well, this is certainly a rambling. to pick it apart would make no sense, neither does being awake at this hour. my toast is ready, and my sheets are calling me. back to hold on tight...for tomorrow my feet hit the ground running and i will do a great work, a work that is building my family, from my faith first, my works second, and my belief that this moment matters.
time flies when you are having fun. i can hardly remember yesteryear's. so ....HOLD ON TIGHT to yours, here today...gone tomorrow. the chances are right here, right NOW.
“You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences.” ~Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley