iM a moRMon, yES, i AM, if YoU waNT to StUdy a MorMoN, Im a LiVINg speciMen
it's about time
LDS Humanitarian Services Current Needs
When You're Finished Changing, You're Finished.
...a crazy day and a half on an airplane coming home from Japan. Silly boy.
'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
a while back my boys helped my grandfather to set off some bombs in his garden to deal with some pesky pets.
hmmmm [memory here], it was the most interesting of summer days.
i think grandpa was as excited...maybe more....as the boys and he scampered off to the garden to blow up ...ahem, ...stuff!
anyhow, i have been thinking of all the mountains i create out of daily mole hills.
it seems that moles [in life] are consistent and CONSTANT in making their presence known. from the irritating opinion of a well-intended friend or family member to the irrational commentary too often offered, and of course the media and subliminal expectation of perfection advertised incessantly... dirt brought to the surface...for a purpose?
the one i struggle the most with is the voice inside my head,
which takes all this aforementioned input and grows it, to full bloom.
it seems that i have accessed way too much fertilizer to keep those thoughts and ponderings healthy and growing.
yet... set aside what said fertilizer really is....poop. what is the point of poop? it's waste.
as such thoughts present, WASTE should really NOT be used to grow these irritating opinion and irrational commentary
fact: i spend way to much time considering and giving power to anothers opinion of me.
really....a WASTE of time.
insert wisdom here:
I AM GOOD ENOUGH
I am not restricted by old, limiting beliefs from my family, my friends, or from society.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
No one can create negativity or stress within you.
Only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world.
No one can depress you.
No one can make you anxious.
No one can hurt your feelings.
No one can make you anything other that what you allow inside.
None of these are tried and tested, none proven [by me...yet], and if I had scientifically tested these theory's,
they would still be theory, theory: aka...my opinion.
However I believe each statement can be used to re-write the brains wrong. Repeat daily, until re-wiring [righting] is effective and enough to empower the combatant of input [wrongs], also known as: daily tortures used to self-inflict beliefs that you are less than another, because you give another person power in their opinion.
WISDOM:Success is an inside job!
Being relaxed, at peace with yourself, confident, and emotionally neutral ---these are the keys to successful performance in almost everything you do.
If you want to find a deeper meaning in your life, you can not find it in the OPINIONS
or the beLIEfs
that have been handed to you.
You have to go to that place within yourself.
Look for the meaning of YOUR life withing YOURself!
Why I have ever given up resident expert to another person or persons is beyond me!
Resident expert is as said....resident. The only resident of me is ME.
I decide what I allow in. I decide what I process, and ponder, and keep. I decide what I discard...[what is poop]. I decide what to grow.
The person looking back at you in the mirror is the ONLY one you have to answer to every day.
so, back to mountains and mole hills. mole hills are created by moles...little well-intended furry creatures whose life's work is to incite rage and despair in gardeners, to cause havoc to the growth of potential nourishment.
innocently these little furry creatures are only doing what is best for their survival.
yet what they do is underground...in the dark. moles; there is reason in the rhyme...making mountains out of mole hills...rather; be a mole, or climb a mountain...
moles are scrounge animals and their work is viral to the gardeners garden.
...similarily are others well- [??] intended meddling and commentary...
[and i have been really troubled with the assumptions and the processing of others...havoc.]
i had forgotten this simple statement, this WISDOM:
...set aside the bad opinions....
One of the HIGHEST places you can get to is to be INDEPENDENT of the GOOD OPINIONS of other people.
...forget what others think GOOD or BAD of you...
What other people think of me is NONE of my business.
may i reap...only what i plant.
and further...may i use the fertilizer [of lessons, of past experiences, of trials and errors] to grow useful thoughts and ponderings; healthy nourishment for my soul.
the rest is just...waste!
Big or little, mountain or mole hill. Doesn't matter.
What matters is within me; my opinion, my belief.
so, these wisdoms, are my BOMBS....watch out little well-intended moles.
.You made me insecure, Told me I wasn't good enough. But who are you to judge, When you're a diamond in the rough. I'm sure you got somethings, You'd like to change about yourself. But when it comes to me, I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
You've got every right, To a beautiful life. Come on!
Who says, Who says you're not perfect, Who says you're not worth it, Who says you're the only one that's hurting, Trust me, That's the price of beauty, Who says you're not pretty, Who says your not beautiful, Who says?
30,000 feet above the ground. i guess you could say i was on cloud nine.
i graduated! happenstance that B had an awards trip the week of my graduation and so my ceremony was less than ceremonious, you would think.
we happened to be on a plane headed home from San Diego the moment I would have walked the walk!
yes, i missed the grandeur, the walking across the stage....etc. however, the better GRANDeur was beyond my imagination.
When a door closes...a window opens.
Better GRANDeur: FOUR.O amazing kids planned a graduation ceremony for me that trumped anything the college could have presented!
Happy MOM's Day to me ♥
Sunday! Suzie had been in town tending our children while we vaca'd the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego!
She helped the boys write talks for Mother's Day Sacrament Meeting! [Well, beyond my imagination!!!] Suzie is a PRO at talk-prep! Way to go Sis!!!
After our church meeting I quickly delivered Suzanne, Natalie and Cecilia to the airport and returned home. Oddly the front door was JAMMED shut....by a boy or two delaying my entrance....apparently something to do with finding Brian's crumpled graduation gown so that I could be adorned upon entering the kingdom....our Home Sweet Home!
Adorned and Adored!!! After a HIGH FIVE from the Dean: aka Sam a PAT ON THE BACK from the Administrator: aka Gavin a HAND SHAKE from the College President: aka Jeremy and a HUG from "the favorite child": obviously Clarissa! ♥
Random that as I headed out the door to catch a flight to San Diego with my Mr. B it crossed my mind to grab a couple of my favorite books....Life Journey's according to Mr. Rogers...and book 2...Mr. Rogers!!!
Little time to read keeping up with the hip hopping of days vacationing...however on the plane ride home we read....Me: book 1, Mr. B: book 2!!!
What a pair....Mr. Rogers Neighborhood nerds!!! LOL
Always a great read...dog eared pages, memories, tear and coffee stains....reminding me of where and when I have been there before....but I missed something before....never have I gotten to the last chapter.
It was meant for that moment, on the plane, ...30,000 feet above ground.
An excerpt from the speech Fred Rogers gave to the graduation class of Latrobe High School, his Alma Mater!
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
In 1946 Mr. Rogers, Fred, graduated from High School. At the time he really only had plans for the summer, not thinking of what course, what journeys, his life would take him.
He talked about how his life had taken him places he never would have planned, and yet those places were exactly meant for him. His life, his course, ...not his plan, but better.
I was pondering his words....glancing out the window at the clouds below. Thankful for the safe flight bringing us closer to the arms of our children, that embrace that makes coming Home so exciting. I was thinking of my past....I never had a plan...other than being a Mother. Of course being a wife and mother, but if I could only have one....being a Mother would suffice.
Lucky me to have the BEST of both worlds.
I was pondering my graduation...the effort and tears and tantrums that brought me to this point. I didn't PLAN on graduating. It snuck up on me. I really only planned on taking a number of classes necessary to transfer to the University and graduate there....
When I met with my counselor...first meeting....this past spring, just to be sure that the Biology class I had chosen would transfer to the U, she politely congratulated me on GRADUATING!!!
I told her, "I don't want to graduate...that isn't my plan...I just want to transfer...."
She looked so confused and again politely congratulated me..."Well, you have all the credits to graduate, so good job! And yes, your credits will transfer, and yes, your Biology will count....towards your GRADUATION!!!"
Back to the point: Mr. Rogers commencement address!!!
As I read it tears creeped into the corners of my eyes. In theory I was graduating, at that exact moment. And this was the speech.... meant especially for me, for MY moment.
"Fifty years from now I trust that you'll look back over your journey and recognize the blessings---great and small---which helped to carry you through, and also realize how other people shared their truth and their light with you and made the trip less lonely.
You know, none of us gets to be competent, mature people without the help of others.
By now you have discovered that you don't have to go it alone.
In fact, no one gets to be a graduate without the investment of other people: people who have loved you along the way.
During this extra special time, I'd like to give you a minute to think of those who have believed in you...those who have helped you life your life knowing what was good and real.
A minute of silence for all of us to remember those who have cared about us through our lives: people who have made a significant difference in our being who we are right now.
One minute of silence." ..blessings---great and small.
Mr. Rogers concluded:
"Whomever you've been thinking about, whether they're here or far away or even in heaven, imagine how pleased they'd be to know that you recognize what a difference they've made in your becoming.
And I trust that you'll discover how much our world needs your truth."
Yes, indeed I accomplished the necessary course to graduate. I had jumped through hoops, stumbled, fallen, failed, succeeded...but more important...I had leaned on so many who helped me to get to this place, this point, this moment.
My minute of silence was more like MINUTES.... As I looked out the window to the wing and thought of the wind beneath my wings...my family, my husband, children, siblings, nieces and nephews, cousins, grandfather, grandparents gone before...parents, some here...some passed, aunts and uncles, brother and sisters-in-law, friends, class-mates, ward members, primary children, neighbors who became friends, fellow survivors, 12-steppers, gas station attendants - aka daily therapists :), pets, bloggers, musicians Neil D, Natalie M., Alecia Beth Moore, Jack Johnson, Prince, dpchmd, ziggy...too many to list... Jeff Probst, and of course...Mr. Rogers and Kermit!
i didn't plan this... and thank God for His planning the best things in my life!
"... life had taken [me] places [ i ] never would have planned, and yet those places were exactly meant for [me].
“You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences.” ~Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley