Tuesday, April 26, 2011

don't speak the language?

Stacie Lawrence
April 2011
Anthropology – Language Response
Don’t speak the language?

Teen talk, or text. I don’t speak it. It took me a few months to understand that LOL was about laughing. I was certain it was some code for “Love you Mom”.
Come to find out they were laughing out loud in code.

I am a “good mom”, debatable statement I am sure, but I pay attention to my children, their friends, their conversations (yes, I listen in when they are talking. No, I am not creepy listening in from another phone…I hear one sided conversation, my child’s side. HELLO…cell phones don’t have a second line). I even try to read between the lines as a “friend” on Facebook. While I refrain from commenting on their status’s, I do sometimes “like” them, and thus follow the chat.

One particular conversation left me googling for definition. “Hella sketch” my son said, which apparently means something to the degree of wear a helmet; it could be a little dangerous. To which his friend replied, “sounds sick”. I wasn’t sure if that meant disgusting or flu-like possibility might be heard of. I caught that the boys were jonsen to “hit urban”. That means stay local, throw down some ski tricks. At least they were staying close to home. As they continued to convo I learned that “scope it” does not mean fresh breath, and “hit me up” doesn’t mean anyone is getting smacked. “Fo sho” means yes, and “nagguh” is no, except when I respond “fo sho you be picking up your dirty clothes off the floor” I don’t get a nagguh…I get a blank “don’t speak the language Mom” stare. I did understand “that’s a damper”, which soothed me that some things mean what they say. But when his friend responded “it will be ill” I was certain a get well card was in order. And when the boys say, “word, son” they are ending the conversation. What needed to be said was said. They “thro ish” and that is all that it sounds like. It’s ish, as opposed to ish it. I’ve heard it both ways.

I understand him about the same as I did when he was babbling as a baby boy. Still, a mother loves. Word.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Bright Eyes- At the bottom of everything (intro included)

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world's waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - "Heart in Your Heartbreak"

She was the tear in a rainstorm
She was the promise that you would’ve sworn
And no matter what you say,
it’s never gonna come back

An ambulance goes by, and you wonder why
it never stops when you want it to
It never stops when you need it to
take you away

And your friends don’t understand that the world could end,
and it would feel no worse than this
Every thought of the look in her eye
like a cold California sky

And no matter what you pray,
It’s never gonna take the pain away
And even if she’d stay you know it’s wrong

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Monday, April 18, 2011

sUndAy sMilEs or sOmEdAy sMiLes?

Every week whether i blog or not I check my cousin's fabulous blog for her Sunday Smiles.

You could say every week

whether I smile or not...I check her blog!

...and smile at her smiles! Anywho...

LeShel and me

Awhile back I was for a short period of time keeping up my own Sunday Smiles, because she is so RIGHT!!!! ...keeping track of smiles really can make a person feel happier....

Yesterday morning I woke up in thought(s).

I realized how much of my writing I have been keeping to myself lately, it seems most of my thoughts, random and rambling, are pretty pathetic and thus I am quite opposed to inflicting them upon any unsuspecting readers,

of which I think I have four faithful!

However, this thought had it's dichotomy and I wrote a perfect anthem in my head for this family friendly blog, and in opposition of this blogs theme, a perfect anthem for my healing/lashing/dark blog. Written in my head I went back to sleep, a restless sleep, filled and fraught with regrets and worries.

As I sat later in the day I was unable to ponder up either of those perfectly written posts. Both lost to me, and probably for the best on the latter.

However I do remember a piece of the pondering that I had regarding SMILES!

I smiled this week ....a few times, and I even laughed myself silly once. I can not remember why or what brought this on...and so I reprimand myself for allowing myself the pleasure of smiles and laughter without acknowledgement and gratitude.

This probably seems really trivial, but when life has handed you so many lemons of which you have no time to make lemonaid...and thus you have wasted the lemons, you begin to realize that wasted lemons are .....a waste.

There is so much more you could have done with what you were given.

Where much is given, much is expected.

Hindsight, and lacking in gratitude...one specific smile last week....felt so wonderful. I can remember that I was walking....and felt myself smiling and thought WOW, that feels weird. It felt weird to smile because I had not felt myself spontaneously SMILE for so long. As I said, I have laughed a little...with my siblings, with my kids...with my Brian. And a smile has has certainly creased my face from time to time...but not like this, a smile that I FELT from the inside out....

One specific SMILE...

[in retrospect I have cried, and screamed, and whined away my days.....]

This SMILE was all on my own. Something that I saw, or heard, or thought of and my cheeks turned up and my face HURT....for lack of smiling. I was using muscles that haven't been used enough lately.

Anyhow, this is really a rambling for me. ...to remember to SMILE, and to notice and acknowledge to abundance of blessings and joy that I have, even in trial and sorrow....and, of course, to make lemonaid...

Here's to recycling smiles! Thanks LeShel for inspiring! ...for the reminder to myself....

Self: on this rainy monday....there is a silver lining or a rainbow,

or a SMILE.... somewhere, someday.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

fear of tears

the boys stayed home today
sam was tired,
he couldn't seem to move from the floor

he found a way to make use of what energy he had
and lay on the floor writing in his journal.
he changed the rest of the calendars
in the house to april.

march is past and gone.

he made a chain
counting the days
til Aunt Suzie,
Cece and Nat Nat return.

thoughtful boy,
looking forward to something really good.

good will come.

jeremy just didn't want to cry in class.

i slept all morning
each time i woke up weeping
it was better to be asleep
i know i wont catch up,
and i wont regret any missed sleep
what we were doing was the better part

i did go to class
big mistake
jeremy was wise
i cried in class

i came home to my boys greeting me
that was the best part
not coming home to an empty house

jeremy asked me how my class was
i told him he was wise to stay home
it is not fun to cry in class

jeremy said
"so did you check yourself
out of class?"

a little smile formed on my face,
"yes, i guess i did"

jeremy replied,
"well that's good mamma,
that way you can be with us!"

lingering in his welcome hug
i looked down upon my little boy,

and for a moment felt myself
looking up to him.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

cast in STONE

still unbelievable.
my heart swells.
my ears fall deaf.
my eyes weep.
if i pretend
it isn't real.

Sunday, April 3, 2011



Visit Guest Book

Kathy Lynne Hansen 1945 ~ 2011 Kathy Lynne Hansen, Daughter, Sister, Mother, Aunt, Grandmother, Friend, passed away March 31, 2011 at the Orchard Care Center of Orem. Born in Provo, Utah, March 18, 1945. Raised in American Fork. Daughter of Cecil Ray and Nina Elizabeth Sykes Hansen. Spent her life as a Mother, worked as a Domestic Engineer to provide for her children. Left her children an inheritance of friendship to one another. Survived by her Father, siblings, children, and 13 grandchildren. Father; Cecil Ray Hansen, siblings; Leila (John), Elizabeth (Kim), James (Pennie), Jorge (Mary Kate), children; Sherilyn (Aaron), Stacie (Brian), Jacob, Jesse (Jessica), Suzanne (Kevin). Preceded in mortal death and welcomed to eternity by her Mother. Funeral Services will be held Monday April 4, 2011 at 2p.m. in the American Fork 27th Ward, 350 West 165 North. A viewing will be held Monday from 12:45 - 1:45 p.m. at the church prior to the services. Burial in the American Fork cemetery under the direction of Anderson & Sons Mortuary. Her Children would like to dearly THANK the Orchard Care Center for the tender loving care their Mother received at the end of her life and for the dignity and peace in her passing. Online condolences and memories may be shared at andersonmortuary.com

my happiness!

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“You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences.” ~Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley


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