one weak

the frustrating thing is that mentally i want to get up, i want to do chores. chase the kids around, chase Brian around. it's frustrating that i am suppose to just lay around.

be still. today, is one week. and i find myself; one weak.

i have orders, in the form of a lovely card from my Aunt and Grandfather:

• rest comfortably
• think good thoughts
• be patient with yourself
• take it easy
• picture yourself well
• relax
• recover
• and remember...
• healing thoughts and good wishes are being sent your way

[thank you Aunt Liz and Grandpa!]

oh, and how could i ever forget Grandpas final words to me yesterday on the phone:

"Just Behave!"

i laugh because even he knows that i DONT ever behave. well-behaved women rarely make history....and really, i just don't know how to behave. i have a natural rebellious streak that prevents me from behaving. brian calls it a smirk.

i smile. because i know how seriously loved i am. because of that love i dont feel pouty or inclined to be rebellous.

i will do my time. i will appreciate the time i have. hours or quiet, uninterupted pondering, reflection.

the loniliness today, being alone. i dont think i was ready for that. to feel this. the bustle of energy, the kids getting ready for school. brian hustling to be sure that all i needed was at my fingertips. and me lost, alone, laying around...weak.

i will behave. and be patient with myself,

and bask in all the pampering and love.

and i will reflect on how far my healing has come in one week.

i have a better perspective on the loss of my uterus, compared to the great blessings of the four children i have, and the years of life and motherhood ahead for my healthier renewed self. yes, greatness!

i can more easily sit up, physically my body is healing as hoped, i don't ache all the time, and already sleep less fitfully. the swelling is somewhat, ...a GREAT deal less, than 6 days ago.

i have a week of new memories, memories built on compassion, tender love, hope, and prayer. McG (director of We Are Marshall) talking about legendary heros said "adversity is the threshold to greatness."

i think i already knew that.

i know where i have been and as i sit here today, i have met greatness. in four beautiful children who call me mom, and one amazing man who calls me buttercup.

i may feel weak physically, yet my weary mind recognizes that in one week i am stronger for the adversity i have faced. all is well, and ALL will be His will. in the meanting i trust, and i will try impossibly in un stacie-like fashion to...

JUST BEHAVE!!!