Wednesday, May 12, 2010

one weak

the frustrating thing is that mentally i want to get up, i want to do chores. chase the kids around, chase Brian around. it's frustrating that i am suppose to just lay around.
be still. today, is one week. and i find myself; one weak.

i have orders, in the form of a lovely card from my Aunt and Grandfather:

  • rest comfortably
  • think good thoughts
  • be patient with yourself
  • take it easy
  • picture yourself well
  • relax
  • recover
  • and remember...
  • healing thoughts and good wishes are being sent your way

[thank you Aunt Liz and Grandpa!]

oh, and how could i ever forget Grandpas final words to me yesterday on the phone:

"Just Behave!"

i laugh because even he knows that i DONT ever behave. well-behaved women rarely make history....and really, i just don't know how to behave. i have a natural rebellious streak that prevents me from behaving. brian calls it a smirk.

i smile. because i know how seriously loved i am. because of that love i dont feel pouty or inclined to be rebellous.

i will do my time. i will appreciate the time i have. hours or quiet, uninterupted pondering, reflection.

the loniliness today, being alone. i dont think i was ready for that. to feel this. the bustle of energy, the kids getting ready for school. brian hustling to be sure that all i needed was at my fingertips. and me lost, alone, laying around...weak.

i will behave. and be patient with myself,

and bask in all the pampering and love.

and i will reflect on how far my healing has come in one week.

i have a better perspective on the loss of my uterus, compared to the great blessings of the four children i have, and the years of life and motherhood ahead for my healthier renewed self. yes, greatness!

i can more easily sit up, physically my body is healing as hoped, i don't ache all the time, and already sleep less fitfully. the swelling is somewhat, ...a GREAT deal less, than 6 days ago.

i have a week of new memories, memories built on compassion, tender love, hope, and prayer. McG (director of We Are Marshall) talking about legendary heros said "adversity is the threshold to greatness."

i think i already knew that.

i know where i have been and as i sit here today, i have met greatness. in four beautiful children who call me mom, and one amazing man who calls me buttercup.

i may feel weak physically, yet my weary mind recognizes that in one week i am stronger for the adversity i have faced. all is well, and ALL will be His will. in the meanting i trust, and i will try impossibly in un stacie-like fashion to...


1 comment:

Liz said...

Yes, someone said patience is a virtue. Who was that?????????

my happiness!

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“You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences.” ~Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley


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