deprived thoughts

13 hours after:

after checking in this morning and brians self-revelation that he would not have to pick up sanitary items for me ever again, which painted a cheshire grin on his face, we were called back to surgery prep. suddenly this was all going too fast for me...my brave face began to wear off. brians remarks were to be expected. things such as installing me a hormonal level switch so he could adjust as necessary. the story truth tales shared about out phone number change not being the only fear factor he overcame...my tumors are at the top of the list. i sign the paper...the lullabies play and i fall asleep to wreching sobs...