i'm going under...

Well, likely by now, yes.

In the meantime a quick reflection...This morning was amazing. Of course I hadn't slept but I snuck back into bed with B.

He woke up, and said, "where have you been?"
....in my mind I added all my life.

He has said that to me once or twice.

The card he gave me, completely out of character...he is like that---does things you don't expect so you don't ever expect it, anyhow, that card he gave me....for our anniversary celebration crossed my mind. It said,

"If I hadn't found you....I would still be looking."

I guess you could say LOVE was on my mind, and in my heart.

After a while of silence, just holding and thinking I asked him if I refused to go today would he make me. He told me no. It is my body and my decision. I pondered for a minute and then asked...if I don't get dressed today would you still take me....he said he had no problem chasing me down...but still, "the decision is yours".


In that moment I knew [and although the chase sounded fun], I said to him that if I even had a doubt at all that I wouldn't go. But it feels so right, and feels so necessary, and there is not even a piece of me left that is fighting it.

All the pieces of me
have come to peace.

So...I am going under, ...when I come back up I will be renewed, and after a while I will feel renewed.

Yes, it is my decision, has been all along, but what it really came down to is aligning my decision with His will. And that...I have done, Thy Will Be Done.