2,660 words: 14 and 40 year olds

Phew: What can be said in 2,660 words. I am off to submit this paper, along with a proposal for the Nature Conference which I will be reading another paper on behalf of my Language and Society class.

I was hoping for some feedback. This has to be peer reviewed by two people. You are my peers.

Kind of a personal conversation and circumstance going on one evening in our family, but addressed the requirements for my Conversation Analysis which has to be turned in draft form today. Any feedback appreciated.



Transcription of conversation with my oldest son and his father regarding the use of my husbands Rolex for a dress up day at Junior High School; my son felt that his father is being unreasonable in saying that NO he doesn’t need to wear a 10,000 dolllar[exaggerated I believe] watch to school. He states that wearing that watch is no different than trying to shove a Porsche in your pocket, or carrying around 10,000 dollars and opening your wallet to show them.

My husband saved for two summers when he was about 15 and went and purchased the watch, which he has kept in safe keeping since then. The watch has increased in value because of the age and condition.

My husband is being reasonable that a 14 year old does NOT need to be wearing a piece of jewelry to create an image that he can not back up with circumstances. So he is trying to get my son to understand that his image is not based on the clothing and an item he possesses, his image is portrayed by how he feels inside. His image is about whom he is, not what he has.


Clarissa: [announcing that I have an assignment to do- speaking LOUD]: MOTHER HAS AN ASSIGNMENT SHE NEEDS TO DO, YOU GUYS HAVE 10 MINUTES TO TALK ABOUT A ROLEX WATCH. WHOEVER CAN SAY THE MOST WORDS WINS A BIG FAT HUG AND KISS FROM SISSY BEAR, OR DAUGHTER BEAR, OR PRINCESS BUTTERCUP, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL ME…

Dad: Do you honestly want that to be said in front of Mom’s class…

Clarissa: maybe not..., Can we start over?



Gavin: It is spirit week and so it has been a great opportunity to show off my school spirit. Today was pink day and I dressed up in ways that I will never forget. And I enjoyed…[interupted]

Dad: So how much fun were you made of today.

Gavin: I wasn’t made fun of….very much. The short shorts showed off my white legs, and the panties weren’t very comfortable. I feel like the circulation in my legs were being cut off all day.

Dad: [quite for a minute] Was it a thong?

[LAUGHING RIGHT OUT LOUD NOW]

Gavin: [hard to hear because of dad laughing] …they were pink shorts ish…they hugged my butt really well.

Dad: I am sorry I missed it…

Gavin: I am pretty sure mom will show you the pictures sometimes.

Clarissa:
[wanting to be recorded, loudly speaking into the recorder – also wanted to cause a little trouble in the conversation between her brother and her daddy] GAVIN WANTS TO KNOW IF HE CAN WEAR YOUR PRECIOUS 10000 DOLLAR WATCH TO SCHOOL TOMORROW WHERE THERE ARE …

Dad [to Gavin]: How would that contribute to your ensemble?


Gavin: Well, I think it would be the cherry on top of my Sunday for my dressy classy outfit.

Dad: [Nothing for about 20 seconds, some whistling.] I don’t see how that….It’s called Classy Day?

Gavin: Yes, and you are suppose to wear nice things. I was going to wear a Binnacle but I couldn’t find one.

Dad: Are you going to wear a top hat?

Gavin: You can’t wear hats. I was going to try to find one anyways.

Dad: [to Clarissa who is holding the recorder and writing prompt notes for conversation input]
You are making more noise than is useful for what you are trying to achieve. Please stop.


Clarissa: I am helping.

Gavin: Go and write your notes somewhere else.

Dad: Yeah, go in the front room, right now I can’t read what you have.


The conversation begins to get serious as the boys forget that they are being recorded and are left alone in the kitchen. This helps with my conversation analysis because I am able to really hear what they are saying and they are saying it in a natural setting. This opportunity to hear how my husband and my son interact is very useful to me and to them as they listened to the conversation at another period and time; separately hearing themselves and the interaction with one another.

I believe that each of them gained a greater insight into the relationship and how they communicate with one another, and also some feeling about how they emotionally relate to one another in a conversation.

They address each other by Dad and Gavin. My son tends to dominate the conversation. I believe this is because of the passion that he has and the desire to wear the watch. He is trying to understand who he is and how he feels about himself. He is trying to create an identity and still young enough to think that his identity is exterior.

As a father and a son they each have such a personal position here. My husband wants to help his son to recognize that he has value that is not based on what he is on the outside. That if he goes in with confidence and acts and behaves classy, he will portray CLASSY.

Dad: It seems to me that you are basing your decision off of emotion rather than logic.

Gavin: Off of emotion of what.

Dad: [thinking] Off of what you want.

Gavin: I was basing it off of "Yes, something that I want to wear", but I am also basing it off of something that works very well with the ensemble of my classy look.


Dad: [interrupting] …it doesn’t contribute to the rest of your attire. You can have a sack lunch, Gavin, that has caviar in it, but if you are not in the right environment and you don’t have the vodka with it, to make it appreciated at its level of potential, there is no point in having it. So, uh, a lamb sandwich on rye bread in a sack lunch is more appropriate.

Gavin: I completely understand what your saying…

Dad: [interrupts again] it doesn’t …

Gavin: [interrupts back] say it with the part…

Dad: [interrupts again] A 15 dollar pair of shoes and a 30 dollar pair of pants, and a 10,000 dollar watch on your wrist doesn’t justify anything classy.

Gavin: Well, I am going to be wearing…

Dad: Why don’t you ask me to give you my safe deposit box, and carry my 401k in your pocket. Then you can have that as a wealth that is part of a person’s ensemble that justifies. You might as well put 10,000 dollars in your pocket and that is just as appropriate as having a watch under your shirt sleeve.

Gavin: I am rolling my shirt sleeve up.

Dad: That even scares me more, because if you drag it against the wall and scratch the crystal.

Gavin: I understand from past things that I have not been very careful with things that I have been privileged to wear or borrow from you. I am…I understand where you are coming from.

Dad: I think you would take as good of care of it as you possible could. I honestly believe that.

Gavin: From where I am coming from I realize how important this thing is to you. I realize how hard you worked for it. I realize how hard it is to obtain something like that. I don’t think that it should just be given to me without me being able to prove that I can take care of it and be careful. I think that if I wanted to wear it on some normal day it would make no sense whatsoever. I understand that this makes little to no more sense then it normally would. It is like a once in a lifetime thing, well, unless we had another classy day, or I had a big date or something like that.

Dad: You are mature enough to admit that it would come up again.

Gavin: I am 100% believe that it would come up again.

Clarissa: [coming into the room for attention] Dad, How was your day at work?

Gavin: Clarissa, we are talking…

It is quiet for a few seconds.

Dad: [moving on] Gavin if I were to hand something like that to you I have to hand it to you with the mindset of not getting it back.

Gavin: I see where you are coming from.

Dad: It is just not prudent. It is not that I don’t trust you. I trust that you would take care of it to the best of your ability. But it is the unforeseen events that I wouldn’t want you to have to be responsible for events that are out of your control.

They continue to talk about what could possible happen.

Dad: Having been in your shoes and having borrowed things. It is not what you expect. There are so many opportunities and things that could happen. And Gavin, I will ruin your day because you will be so conscientious that you won’t be able to enjoy what is really going on and what the day is for. All of your friends will ….it will be to show off and that is it.

Gavin: Actually in the announcement it said to SHOW OFF, going back to you having borrowed things and ruining them completely and me being so self conscious of that and worrying about that, something happening to it and it will ruin my day completely to be thinking about that but I think myself that I will be careful and also have a fun time. Because it is something that I think I can do and be comfortable doing and I think I am capable to take care of something and be conscious of what I have and being aware of what things that would put me in the situation that would hurt what I am responsible for.

QUIET TIME – at least 2 minutes



Dad: Gavin, it just doesn’t make sense to do this.


QUIET again…about 1 LONG minute

Dad: I don’t think a watch like this makes you classy. The point of the watch is to be sporty, it is used to time race cars. It doesn’t have anything to do with being classy. The curvex watch that I have would be more classy than having that big sporty watch on your arm. It doesn’t make sense, all it does is show wealth. It doesn’t go along with being classy. You could borrow moms wedding ring and wear it on your pinky.

Gavin: That is not the point of what I want to do. I see myself that when I wear that watch it is who I want to be. When I have the opportunity I will do that for myself. The aspect of the whole ensemble and part of this is…to show who I am.

Dad: A 15 dollar pair of shoes, a 60$ pair of pants, a 50 dollar shirt and a 25 dollar tie, with a 10,000 dollar watch doesn’t make any sense.

Gavin: I am showing what I would wear if I went to a state dinner. I would be classy.

Dad: No, we would rent you a tux. You could go tomorrow and talk like an English Butler. That would be more classy.



As the conversation continued with the two men in our home I heard them trying to really listen and understand each others point of view. There was a lot of trying to work through the possibilities and really gain an understanding of one another. I loved to hear them work through the situation and come to a better understanding of their relationship in a useful direction for them both; sharing past experiences, and showing care and concern for the best interest of our son. My husband did not give in. He addressed the point of the day, and that he is making his decision based on an image that he has not earned.

Regarding our personal diversity I feel that we have specific thoughts about our image, our conversations and communication with one another portrays this.

During peer review it was interesting to me to notice in the one analysis talked about how much as a mother she noticed her children using phrases and commenting in ways that she didn’t approve, and thought that she had taught her to speak more appropriately. This observation gave me the insight to look more carefully at what I might notice in the speech patterns of my family’s conversation.

One thing that I particularly noticed in listening to the conversation critically was that my husband pauses for LONG periods of time. When he finally speaks he really has thoughtful conversation. He habitually thinks through what he is going to say. This observation showed me that in the future it would benefit all of us to listen and to give him the time to think because what he will say is so thoughtful, organized, and insightful.

I learned a lot about myself, although I was not a participant in this particular conversation. I learned that I need to listen and to not fill the silence of the conversation like I tend to do. I also learned that my son is quite the same way and that as a mother I need to listen more carefully to what my children are saying and give them the time to think about what they want to say, not interrupting the silence of our conversations.

Also during the peer review the second paper that I read digressed to participate in the diversity argument. I enjoyed the insight that she offered in her paper based on recognizing the diversity of each person in the conversation. I also chose to reflect on this in regard to my own experience.

I realized more thoroughly how diverse we are in thought. Our conversations with one another are filled with diversity. The actual definition of diversity according to the Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language: Second College Edition, page 411 is quality, state, fact, or instance of being diverse; difference. Variety.

I believe that each person in a conversation brings a quality to the conversation that if we were all the same in thought we would not benefit from. The state, fact, or instance of being diverse is all present in the conversation between my husband and my son. They certainly have variety; diversity at its height.

The diversity issues in my husband and son’s conversation took the position of diversity in thought. Each of them is so diverse in their belief and opinion. Each of them has been exposed to different experiences, growing up in different circumstances, each of them learning from different teachers and different times. This diversity creates some animosity between them because their opinions are so diverse. This is good to experience and significant because we learn so much as we really listen and take the time to allow others to think through their thoughts to offer really rich, notable and meaningful interactions.

My son in his passion for the subject seemed to dominate the conversation. He really pleaded his cause; however he listened and gave credit by saying very consistently “I understand what you are saying”. All in all he said I understand about 40 times by my count, in a 30 minute conversation. He also said a lot “I see what you are getting at.” Each of the participants in the conversation took turns very respectfully.

In the end of the conversation Gavin said this, “I stereotyped it as classy day because to me I guess that I don’t really know what the answer is. Classy to me meant dressing nice. And for you maybe it goes to wearing a tux and talking in an English accent because classy that would be to our culture. But for me I was just going to wear a nice shirt, and a tie, and a watch.”


Dad: The watch that you have already is very classy.

End of conversation!



Thanks for any input...and if you read through this whole thing, really THANKS!!!