JOY

Good morning life! What a blur! Pretty much we have had the most incredible odd December ever! Point made. Gavin was rearranging his room on the eve of Christmas day when he pulled out his neck brace and looked deep into my soul and said poignantly "one year yesterday". Honestly things could have taken such a turn for the worse in that moment last December Christmas Eve.

My reflection over the last year and all the struggles and loss came into perspective in a flash of gratitude. We could have lost Gavin. His traumatic brain injury could have had more lasting effects. Don't get me wrong...none of it has been easy. I have spent the year getting to know our new Gavin. He is different. Head trauma is tricky and honestly he is still healing. Things that were easy for him are SOOOOO hard now. But he is renewed in that he has accepted his limitations and challenges as growth to have and to do something with. He knows its up to him to work it. He told me once tearfully that although this is NOT the time in his life that he would have liked to have this challenge that he knows he has something to learn from it that will make him better, he is becoming his best self and by accepting this trial he has allowed himself to see what God can make of him through it. It has been SOOOOO hard. I have watched him scream and cry and grovel in depression and confusion. He spent months not even knowing day from night. I wish I had kept a daily log of my own experience because there is no way I can describe it. It has been lonely as sad and frustrating and intense. I realize this has been my least blogged year and honestly the most has happened. Good and challenging.

Also on Christmas Eve last year I was calling an ambulance for my Mother, whose health was taking a deadly turn. In that moment I ignored Gavin's calls... all three, thinking he forgot his gloves or money for lunch. I had just dropped him off at Park City and had driving out of the canyon. I was NOT going back....I suddenly felt a desperate impression to answer Gavin's calls and quickly asked my mothers roommate to call an ambulance and I would call her back...Gavin must REALLY need something to be so persistent in calling, I told her.

Well, he indeed needed me. And it wasn't him calling, it was his friend. His very scared friend. Gavin was injured, badly, he had been unconscious....was waking up...couldn't move his legs, didn't know his name. Well...anyhow, I have written all this before...it's just today--I feel true PURE JOY! In reflecting on this past year, this month, all that we are still facing, as life is full of challenges, and yet, feeling so blessed. Feeling full of faith and gratitude that we are right here, where we are, enduring all He sees fit to give us to overcome.

I think we are spoiled. We have love, we have each other, and we have time.

I see the hourglass overturned and the sands of time are running swiftly through the narrow passage. There are grains to enjoy and while I can not stop the sands from falling through I can run my fingers through them and enjoy.

This year as we had our best Christmas yet. I think it is mostly because of giving. Let me explain lest a misunderstanding here, it's consumerism at it's best, and me...the grinch of consumerism, am also a hypocrite....yikes!

This year Christmas lasted. ...all....day... As each gift was given and thoroughly appreciated and enjoyed. Each child loving the opportunity to give a gift they had carefully chosen and wrapped and laid tenderly under the trimmed tree in anticipation of that Christmas morning moment....and me spoiled to sit and bask to celebrAte their moments with each other. Brian and I in awe of their excitement more to GIVE than to receive. They get it....the spirit and JOY of this season. We sat back watching laughter and love and honestly felt so spoiled....do I really deserve such incredible happiness!!! I am going to say yes! I have made tremendous stride to give so much of my effort to being pleasant and patient and enjoying the moments, whether a challenge, a frustration, or a simple happiness, my attitude makes the diffence. That has been something I have been working on and it works!


Anyhow, I look back to my PouTy moment at the beginning of the month --- Missing the wArd Christmas party while recovering from my surgery.... to the JOY I feel today. I have been busily engaged in the merriment of the Christmas season, each day not without challenge, but with a mind over matter attitude I have endured much and am happy to sit in reflection today. We are blessed. Everyone of us.

Not just me and mine, look at your lives. Admit whatever challenges you have you can finding an inkling of blessing. Of being guided through those challenges and see opportunities for growth. Being cheerful is a choice!

I missed the Christmas party....and then another family party along the way...boo! I really felt sad about those losses, missing time with our loved ones. But me not running till I was MORE weary gave my body and mind time to heal and then other opportunities came along for me to enjoy. It's choices. Make the hard ones so you can make more of whAt is coming.

I miss my mom. Losing her was one of the hardest parts of 2011 and will be one of my Top 10 hardest heartbreaks ever to face, but I am so thankful she is not suffering and I am so thankful for what legacies she left behind that I can glean from her life. Good and bad. It is an amazing truth that if you chose to overlook the bad that the good is so much...gooder!!! :)

I also miss some really key family who are not a part of our lives right now. Trials, challenges, choices have created distance that may never be overcome. I miss them, the love and laughter and all the good, so much good. I weep, i pray, i hope. Stunned still to be facing this challenge, confused...Naively I believe that in time things will heal. The more time passes the more I realize that I may just be banking hope. But I still believe.

I miss my family that lives far away in geography, but is always close in heart. It is amazing to me that even with the physical distance that there is a closeness that is bonded by love. There really is no distance when you have love. I can celebrate their happiness and success and enjoy the knowledge that they are doing exactly what I am doing...Living each day to the fullest and making them most of very blessing we have. We really are a happy family. We walked hot coals and depths of sorrow to have the joy we are all making with our moments. Knowing they are all happy and making their own success makes my whole soul celebrate!

I miss my grandmother, yet was blessed this week with the most amazing gift in the mail. A remembrance of her life and her warmth and her love, her example. She really is not that far from me. Someone really special in my life reminded me of that his week. They are both just a thought away. It's amazing. I close my eyes and in a moment I am with them both and it is wonderful! In a swift Kung Fu kick I beat death and distance and they are with me in my heart and soul.

While I am rambling I have a gratitude that is still a weeping tenderness. I found out that the growth I had removed had some abnormal pathology. Confused....mee too. I have grown stuff for twenty years and the news is always the same. Benign. This one wasn't. I still can't say it, the word. Interestingly this month has been full of c-words. Christ, cookies, cards, chains, cheer, Clarissa's b-day!, candies, crafts, cooking.... Yet, I still can't say it out loud. I don't think I will. For one, when the doctor told me he was really assuring that what was is out, all of it. And because it looked so different from a normal growth, which we have know since June, which we have been watching closely (well, sort of...I was suppose to be seen again in August and I made a mistake I will never make again and put it off until November. :( I won't do that again...ever). I claimed I didn't have time......I could have made that a truth. Reflection.

I just feel really blessed that it is out and the pathology of all the surrounding tissue is normal and while we have some months of follow up I can really COUNT my blessings. That one C-word I am focusing on.

Count your many blessings....name them one by one....

Christmas has been a wonderful blessing. We overdid it as always....but what a fun cache of memories we have created. This month...three surgeries....two performances.... Four beautiful amazing children, countless family and friends to love and celebrate, one Christ, a home, heart, health, hearth. Pondering's, reflections, ramblings. So much to enjoy, time, so little to waste. Cheerful is a choice. Make it yours. I am making it mine! JOY - Jesus, Others, Yourself. It's a faultless motto. Have a JOYfull (FULL) 2012!

What's on my mind?

I have been a patient patient, but missing Jeremy being Joseph in the nativity tonight, this really stinks.

LIKE this...

A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX:
1. EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK .
2. YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.
3. WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.
4. IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS, WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.
5. TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you and then allow yourself to be guided by the hand of God.

a time to give

I had the privilege of driving some of Jeremy's class
to Primary Children's Hospital for a Field Trip!

His class raised money to buy material for making blankets.
They made 50-ish blankets to be given to the children
who need care.

The hospital workers told the children that the blankets are so wonderful because they can give them to children when they have to have procedures that are not very fun or comfortable. The blanket is comfy and happy and helps the kids when they have to experience those things.


Jeremy's class also donated games
and toys for the children's playroom.

Samantha told about getting a blanket when she had to be in the hospital for a long time. She remembered it made her feel better and even happy. She has had a lot of medical problems since she was born. This giving project made her feel so wonderful!

Samantha is in Jeremy's class :)


The hospital ladies explained how Primary Children's became a hospital for children. The Relief Society started it and called it Primary because that was also the name of the Church program for children :) [i could blog a book about this wonderful program and it's beginnings...maybe another day!]

She also told about the tiniest baby that was born and brought to Primary Children's.
The staff had a program that offered a brass hand of each tiny child to the parents. Often tiny baby's don't live and they wanted the parents to have something. This is the hand of the tiniest baby. This baby lived because of the care given by the amazing doctors at Primary Children's Hospital! [I am sure Heavenly Father had something to do with it too :) ]

I LOVED the part where she told the children that this baby's hand is open to remind us that these babies and children need us to give. The hand is open to remind us they need whatever we offer. They need us to give of time volunteering and other donations to make the miracles at Primary Children's happen!





This really made me happy and I can't stop thinking about what a great project that everyone can do. An opportunity to give a little back. It changed me. I know it changed Jeremy!

Jeremy came to me yesterday and told me that he doesn't really have a Christmas want list. He doesn't even have a need list, he said.
What he really wants is to give stuff to other people. He said that he thinks that is what Christmas is all about and that is the true JOY of Christmas time. He has all sorts of ideas about what he wants to give!

Merry Christmas to me,
and a lot of others who will benefit because he was so blessed by this experience!

I have a couple of holiday ideas sparking...

To Do [mental note to me as i write this, because i will forget :) ]
Make blessing bags and give them to people who are on street corners asking for help. Often they have a sign that says anything helps. Why not a zip lock with some crackers and candy, a drink box, some mittens, and a friendly note! maybe even a book....of mormon!


Like I said... er...Jeremy said, Christmas JOY is in giving!

Think of...
Jesus
Others
Yourself

That's a start! I think it will be a very Merry Christmas!

monday. toothday. shrekday.

We have tried a variety of methods to ice his cheeks.
"Not cold enough", said of previous tries!

Thus we have placed ice in baggies, in tin foil, in my net stockings :)
[shhhhh, Gavin just knows it's a net, fishing net maybe!!!]

Just realized maybe the ice isn't COLD enough
because he can not feel his cheeks!

poor little chipmunk!

1 GaViN minus 4 wiSdoM teEth

Mark Miller Managers Christmas Party 2011

Things i LOVE:

1) dressing up.

2) dating my husband.

3) having a daughter who is amazing at styling my hair!!!

[interesting side note:
check out the picture of said daughter
in the above picture
above my left shoulder
same hair style
different stylist!
like mother like daughter :) ]

tis the season! ♥

with GrAndPa ♥

I like to walk with Grandpa,
His steps are short like mine.


He never says 'now hurry up'.
He always takes his time.


Some people have to hurry,
They do not stop and see.



I'm glad that God made Grandpa,
Unrushed and young like me. :)

---author unknown

Hollywood's got nothing on our grandpa!

stay tuned for a video excerpt :)

look who i RaNdom into! :)

when does this ever happen!
i pulled in for Gas at the same time my sister did :)

What a lovely moment on a beautiful day!
♥

who's the baby?

that would be me!

flu shots...it's a family outing!!!

...and I WAS the biggest baby;
thankful for my babies holding my hand.

Why was I shaking in my flip flops?
Even the nurse got a good laugh out of it!

SOOO glad that's over. :)

hug a veteran ♥

my grandfather
sam's great-grandfather

TAPS
Honoring Veterans 2010

Cecil Ray Hansen

fyi and an invite!
Grandfather and Sam will be again
honoring Veterans
this coming 11-11-11
at 11 am.

If you would like to join this honored celebration
please contact me for more information.

Also, Grandpa was interviewed
about his wartime feelings and experiences.

This interview will play during the program.
I will see that a copy of the interview is made
available to interested family. :)

Hug a Veteran
Your freedoms depend on it!
♥